Using "you" according to the rules of speech etiquette

2024 Author: Henry Conors | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-02-12 02:46

Features inherent in a person in his speech and writing to other people largely characterize the general culture of this person. They are in close connection with the image that he creates in the eyes of others, and therefore affect their attitude towards him. Therefore, one of the most important issues is the ability to correctly use the pronouns "you" and "you" in a conversation with various interlocutors and when writing letters and other documents.

The first "registry" of polite words and expressions

It is known that in Russia for the first time polite forms of address were set out in a kind of textbook that appeared in 1717. This book, which was compiled with the personal participation of Peter I, was called "Youth's honest mirror, or Indications for everyday behavior" and was intended mainly for young Russians.

About the same period, the sovereign, who planted the European form of behavior in the country, put into use the appeal to "you", borrowed by him from a number of foreign languages. In the old days, people were referred to in the plural only if they wanted to give the words a special meaning. Saying "you" seemed to imply that this person alone is worth many. Such a treatment contained a special courtesy.

In 1722, Peter I had a "Table of Ranks" ─ a document that determines the correspondence of military, civil and court ranks, dividing them into 14 classes. It, among other things, indicated how to address the head of a particular rank. The forms varied depending on his position in the ranks, but in all cases a plural form was required, such as "Your Excellency" or "Your Grace".

Distorted Politeness

It is curious to note that the appeal to “you”, so familiar to us today, took root in the Russian language, overcoming the resistance that sometimes came from representatives of the most progressive circles of the domestic intelligentsia. To be convinced of this, it is enough to open the explanatory dictionary of V. I. Dahl, compiled in the middle of the 19th century. In it, an outstanding Russian writer and lexicographer characterizes the appeal to "you" as a distorted form of politeness.

Moreover, in one of his articles, he criticizes those teachers who consider it appropriate and even necessary to say “you” to their students instead of forcing them to refer to themselves as “you”. Now such a position can only cause a smile, but a century and a half ago it found numerous supporters.

Politics invading the everyday lexicon

Shortly after the February Revolution by Decree of the Provisional Governmentestates and ranks were abolished. Gone are the previously established forms of addressing their representatives. Along with them, the former words “sir” and “madame” fell out of use, which after the October revolution gave way to the generally accepted in Soviet times “citizen”, “citizen” or genderless ─ “comrade”, addressed to both men and women. However, the appeal to "you" has survived, becoming one of the basic rules of modern speech etiquette.

When is it customary to say "you" when addressing an interlocutor?

According to generally accepted norms of behavior, this is done primarily in official situations: at work, in various institutions and public places. At the same time, saying “you” is appropriate in the following situations:

1. When the dialogue is conducted with an unfamiliar or complete stranger.
2. If the interlocutors know each other but are in official relations, for example, work colleagues, students and teachers, subordinates and their bosses.
3. In cases where you have to address an older person or someone in a leadership position.
4. And, finally, to officials, as well as service personnel of shops, restaurants, hotels and other institutions of this kind.

It should always be remembered that referring to "you" to a stranger is the norm established by the elementary rules of behavior.

When is it acceptable to use "you"?

Bcertain, mostly informal situations, the rules of speech etiquette allow the appeal to "you". It can be appropriate both at work when communicating with colleagues outside the sphere of official activity, and at home or on vacation. This form of address can serve as an expression of friendly relations between the interlocutors, and emphasize the informal nature of this conversation. However, in order not to get into an awkward position, it should be borne in mind that saying "you" is only allowed:

1. Closely familiar person with whom I had to communicate earlier, and whose relationship allows us to neglect the stricter official requirements in circulation.
2. Adults talking to children or teenagers.
3. In an informal setting, to a junior or equal in official position.
4. In conversations between children and parents, modern tradition allows the use of "you" by both sides.
5. In the youth and children's environment between peers, even if they do not know each other.

According to the generally accepted rules of speech etiquette, it is absolutely unacceptable to refer to "you" of a younger person (both by age and by social or official position) to an older one. In addition, a sign of bad manners and bad taste is the manner of saying “you” to employees from among the service personnel of institutions.

The nuances of communication between managers and their employees

An important component of the rules of conduct in society is the regulation of the use of "you" and "you" in circulationboss to subordinate. Without going beyond the bounds of decency, the leader can only say “you” to his employee if he has the opportunity to answer him in a similar way. This usually happens when an informal relationship is established between them. Otherwise, addressing the subordinate to “you” will be a gross violation of speech etiquette.

Establishing an informal form of address

Generally accepted norms of decency meanwhile provide for the transition of partners from “you” to “you”. However, it is possible only in those cases when an appropriate type of relationship is established between them, which makes it possible to replace a formal address in a conversation with a warmer and more friendly one. As a rule, this indicates that the previously neutral-restrained attitude towards each other has given way to a certain rapprochement.

It should be noted that generally accepted norms of behavior provide for a certain period of time necessary for the appeal to “you” established at the time of acquaintance to give way to a more open and friendly “you”. Its duration depends entirely on the personal qualities of the interlocutors and external circumstances.

It is important to subtly capture the moment at which it is possible to offer a partner to switch to “you” in a conversation, since in case of a mistake and his refusal, an awkward situation will inevitably arise. Therefore, in order to change the form of address, it is necessary to feel the desire of your interlocutor. A one-sided transition to “you” in a conversation is absolutely unacceptable, sincewill inevitably be regarded as disrespect for the partner and the neglect shown towards him.

When the informal "you" gives way to the more strict "you"

Speech etiquette of the Russian language also provides for the transition from a friendly "you" to a more formal "you", although this is not often found in everyday life. Nevertheless, it is possible in cases where relations between the interlocutors have deteriorated and have taken on a purely official character. This can happen as a result of a quarrel or any serious disagreement.

Sometimes the appeal to "you" may be the result of the fact that the conversation is official and takes place in the presence of strangers, in which the interlocutors, usually speaking to each other "you", are forced to observe common etiquette. In this case, the “you” addressed to each other do not indicate a change in interpersonal relations, but only about the features of a particular situation. For example, teachers tend to use “you” when in front of students, although when left alone, under the right conditions, they may well indulge in an informal “you.”

Writing form rule

All of the above rules of etiquette must be observed in cases where communication is not oral, but in writing. At the same time, the pronouns yours and you with a capital letter are a form of polite appeal to only one specific addressee. If a letter or other document is addressed to several persons, then the plural pronounshould be written with a lowercase (small) letter. Capitalizing "you" when referring to multiple people is a mistake.