Sometimes you look at a couple in love and marvel at how idyllic they are. But six months pass, and the first quarrels begin. Sometimes it can even lead to a fight. But the woman clenched her teeth and said to herself (and sometimes out loud): “If you hit, then you love.” Where did this expression come from, let's figure it out.
Origin story
When did the phrase “hitting means you love” appear? It is hard to say. Like all phraseological units, folk expressions lose their roots in history. But there are records of the 16th century made by the priest Sylvester. In his book Domostroy, he wrote: “Beating over the body, delivering the soul from death…” But complex church texts were not to the liking of the people. People rephrased them into the expression "if it beats, it means it loves." And I must say, this phraseological unit turned out to be tenacious. And to this day you can hear it from the lips of women and men.
Is the phrase true?
Today, the expression “you hit means you love” seems terrible to most of the population of our country. But to be honest, people are divided into two camps. Some consider beatings a normal part of life and see nothing wrong with them.
Some men who don't know how to solve their problems in any other way than with their fists, use a demonstration of their strength not only in the circle of friends. At home, they also often show their wife who is in charge. But still, there are few such unbalanced people. No normal person would beat another without reason. Most often, men beat their wives out of jealousy. And yes, to some extent, phraseology is true. After all, beatings are inflicted in order to teach a lesson to a person, even a close one. Suffice it to recall how in Russian families children were beaten for infractions. And this was considered the norm, a way of learning.
Men's opinion
Where did it come from "beats - it means loves", we understood. And now we will tell you what modern men think about this expression. There are very few individuals left who are able to raise a hand against a loved one. And it does not matter who it is - a wife or own child. Men over the centuries have found a way to restrain their aggression and not show it unnecessarily. Today, the chance that a husband will be rude to his wife is much higher than the chance that he will beat her. But you need to understand that sometimes words hurt more than fists.
Women's Opinion
Surprisingly, the representatives of the weaker sex today believe in the expression "hits - it means loves" more than men. A woman wants her faithful to pay attention to her, but how this attention will be manifested is not so important. If a man is affectionate and gentle, it’s good, but if he is rude and arrogant, that’s also normal. Some women are so sure that all men are like thatthat it doesn't even occur to them to moderate the ardor of their beloved.
All this happens because many women grew up without fathers and did not see normal relationships in the family. A girl getting married does not know what a normal family life is. She studies it from books and films. And there, often, to show who is the boss in the house, a man uses his fists. And it even seems strange to girls when her missus does not try to dominate her. Particularly sophisticated ladies sometimes even force men to treat them rudely than themselves and push them to domestic violence.
Expert Opinion
Psychotherapists believe that the saying "beats means loves" is quite true. People who are in a relationship become dependent on each other. They begin to fear that one of them will find a better partner. At first, people try to bind each other with care and affection. And then, when falling in love passes, the stage of retaining a partner begins with the help of threats and beatings. And it is not so rare that the aggressor is a woman, not a man. It's no secret that in a relationship, usually one person loves more, while the other accepts courtship. So, some people naively think that it is noticeable only to others. Nothing like this. A person who does not receive love perfectly understands the current situation. And it is from the lack of reciprocity that jealousy and threats begin.
Why do men hit?
There are several reasons for aggressive behavior. Some individuals sincerely believe in the saying you hit -it means you love,”but most of the men are still justified by this statement. The true reasons are hidden much deeper.
- Jealousy. One of the main causes of beatings is banal jealousy. Men see that their rival is smarter / prettier / richer, and they try by all means to protect the woman they love from communicating with their competitor.
- Public humiliation. When a woman publicly ridicules her husband's failures, it can provoke conflict. Pounded pride immediately reacts, and the man, using force, tries to show that he is not such a loser as they say he is.
- The woman is drunk. In an inadequate state, ladies can behave very liberated even in a crowded place. Some men try to reason with their missus through physical force.
Why do women suffer?
Everything develops a habit over time - both good and bad. If a man drinks, smokes or settles disputes with his fists, this is only annoying at first. If a woman learns to endure it, gradually she will even stop noticing it. Under no circumstances should this be allowed. If a man hit you once, it can still be attributed to an accident, but if aggressive actions are repeated, you need to urgently run away from such an arrogant one.
A woman can endure not only out of habit. Some of the fair sex have such low self-esteem that they believe that they simply will not find anyone better. And some women are sothey love to be pitied, that they are trying with all their might to incur misfortune, including the wrath of their husband. Moreover, they will infuriate a man from time to time so that the beatings are repeated, and pity for them on the part of girlfriends and relatives only increases.
How not to bring a relationship to a fight
People say: "Hitting means love" - but it's not true. How to establish normal relations, without aggression from anyone?
- You need to be able to listen to each other. Any problem can be solved peacefully if you do not interrupt your opponent and give him a chance to speak out. With logical arguments, any issue can be settled.
- Don't underestimate other people's self-esteem. A reasonable person will never become jealous of his partner if he is sure of the sincerity of his feelings.
- Don't wash dirty linen in public. If there are any problems, it is worth discussing them in private, and not in public.
How to improve relationships?
Why was it considered in Russia: beats means love? It seemed to people that the only way to teach another person was through corporal punishment. It was said that any knowledge is better assimilated in this way. That is why men beat women for wrongdoings, and women, in turn, beat children. It was a vicious circle from which no one wanted to leave. Modern people do not believe in the benefit of the assault method. To maintain a good relationship, there is no need to beat your soulmate. What should be done?
- To pleaseall sorts of little things. It can be an unplanned trip to the movies or a delicious dinner cooked for no reason. It is thanks to the signs of attention rendered just like that that a person understands the depth of his partner's feelings.
- Be able to support. All people have troubles at work or misunderstandings with friends. So, the wife should always be on the side of her husband, and vice versa. If you stand in the opposite position, your significant other will feel lonely. So support and moral help are sometimes simply irreplaceable.
- To be able to forgive. We all yell at our loved ones from time to time. And sometimes they are absolutely not to blame for this. You need to understand the true reasons for such breakdowns and not be offended.
- Find common interests. If people are engaged in their free time in a common cause, then they will be less likely to quarrel and even more so to fight.
