It is customary to shake hands when meeting. This shows openness, cordiality, readiness for further contact. But even when shaking hands, people who consider themselves well-mannered adhere to certain rules regarding the question of who first gives a hand when greeting. What does etiquette prescribe?
Why is it customary to extend a hand when meeting?
The custom of shaking hands at a meeting came to us from ancient times. Moreover, in each period of time, different meanings were attributed to this gesture. There is a hypothesis that in primitive tribes, a handshake among men was a kind of test of strength: whoever shakes his hand harder, he is stronger. Such a short duel began each meeting. In some other tribes, the willingness of a man to extend his hand showed the purity of his intentions: the hand is outstretched, the palm is open, there is no weapon in it, which means that there is no need to be afraid of this person.
In ancient Rome, people were good at cunning, and outstretcheda hand did not always signify friendliness. Warriors learned to hide a small dagger in their sleeve, and with a normal handshake it could be overlooked. Therefore, the descriptions mention the custom of shaking the wrist, not the palm. At first this was done for security reasons, then it became a tradition: when a man met, holding his hands at waist level, they squeezed each other's wrists.
But in Japan, samurai shook hands before a duel, and this gesture told the enemy: "Prepare to die".
The meaning of the handshake these days
In those distant times, people did not attach importance to who was the first to give a hand. The handshake became generally accepted and regulated by the rules of etiquette only in the 19th century. Only men could shake hands with each other; this gesture was not characteristic of women and was considered tactless. Later, shaking hands became popular in business circles: they sealed deals, showed a disposition for further communication. There's nothing wrong with shaking hands with a lady these days, especially if it's in a business setting.
The custom of shaking hands when meeting is more common in Europe and America. In Asia, it is less popular: there a bow or a certain folding of hands is considered a sign of respect. But in business circles in Asian countries, a handshake is also appropriate.
Rules of courtesy when meeting
In most cases, a person cannot introduce himself: he must be introduced. A man is supposed to be introduced to a woman. Those who are younger in agepersons who are older. A person who occupies a higher position in society is represented by someone who is at a lower level. This is considered an indicator of education. If you need to introduce your family to colleagues or friends, then they are called spouse and children, and when meeting parents, friends or colleagues are introduced to them as a sign of respect for older age. Who is the first to give a hand when meeting? It is the person to whom others are introduced, regardless of gender and age.
Can I introduce myself?
Are there situations when it is appropriate for a person to introduce himself to strangers? Yes, it is possible, for example, at a business dinner, banquet, party with the aim of establishing business relationships. In this case, it is permissible to approach the person of interest, introduce yourself, name the field of activity and the company, and hold out a business card.
If you need to introduce yourself to a woman who is in the company of a man, then you should first get to know her boyfriend and then only be introduced to the lady.
Getting to know each other isn't just about shaking hands. A good-natured, friendly smile and a direct look into the face of the interlocutor are very important. Looking away while dating is considered bad manners.
A few "don'ts", or How not to be considered ignorant
Yes, yes, ignorance of these seemingly trifles can make a person ignorant in a matter of seconds. So, when meeting and at any meeting, according to the generally accepted rules of politeness, do notfollows:
- do not shake an outstretched hand (this can be perceived as the deepest insult);
- give your hand, keep the other in your pocket;
- hold a cigarette in your hand (it is generally undesirable to hold anything in your hands, especially when shaking hands);
- leaving a gloved hand when greeting a lady (a woman can leave a glove if it is part of the toilet; a glove, but not a mitten!);
- look around, at the floor or up, show indifference;
- when meeting a group of people, give a hand to only one of them;
- stay seated when meeting a lady or older person, especially if they are standing;
- not knowing the simple rules about who is the first to give a handshake.
Greetings for a surprise meeting
Almost every hour we greet someone: neighbors in the stairwell, a saleswoman from whom we buy coffee every morning, colleagues, close or hardly known people, relatives … Who is the first to give a hand when greeting? How not to put yourself or the interlocutor in an awkward position? Consider a few cases.
If acquaintances met on the street or in a public place, do not express your emotions too violently and attract the attention of others. Seeing a familiar person in the distance, you can limit yourself to a nod or a wave of your hand. If the distance allows, a handshake and a short exchange of phrases are appropriate (do not start a long conversation, because a person may be in a hurry somewhere). Who is the first to give a hand when meeting?Etiquette prescribes this initiative to someone who is older in age or occupies a more important social position.
In case of an unexpected meeting with a loved one, short hugs, pats, in some countries even kisses on the cheek or a cheek-to-cheek gesture are appropriate. But if you met a business partner, a person older than you or a distant acquaintance, such manifestations of emotions can be regarded as familiarity.
Can a woman first give a hand?
Who is the first to give a hand, a man or a woman? Only a lady can give a handshake. A man is supposed to either shake an outstretched hand or bring it to his lips for a kiss. In past centuries, it was only permissible to kiss the hand of a married lady, but there are no such restrictions in modern etiquette.
Greeting someone you barely know
Should you greet people you barely know? Yes! Even if you don't remember the person's name or can't remember where you saw their face, it's still best to be polite and say hello. Of course, in this case, it is enough to say a greeting, nod or raise your hat. Violent manifestations of joy will look unnatural, and therefore completely unnecessary.
Scheduled meeting greeting
Let's say we are talking about meeting friends at a party, in a restaurant, at a social reception, in a theater, any public place. This is not a random meeting on the run, and going to an event, a person knows who he will meet there. How should you behavelead and who is the first to give a hand at a meeting? In this case, the first one to come up and say hello is supposed to be the one who is younger or occupies a smaller position. But when it comes to who is the first to give a hand - the elder or the younger - then the one who is older shows this initiative.
Rules for greeting guests
When you come to visit, you must definitely say hello to the owner of the house and the guests present. The owner should shake hands, and greeting the rest, you can limit yourself to a bow and greeting phrases. It is more appropriate for the hostess to kiss her hand.
When meeting with a group of people, it is not necessary to shake hands with everyone, a general bow is enough. But if you shake hands with one of these people, you should shake hands with everyone else. Who is the first to give a hand when greeting in this case? One who approaches the group. Before shaking hands, gloves should be removed, as well as a headdress.
If you have to say hello to people sitting at the table, it is considered bad manners to stretch your hand across the table. It is more polite to confine yourself to a verbal greeting or a slight bow.
In a situation where people greeting each other have a noticeable age difference, the question often arises: who is the first to give a hand - the oldest or the youngest? The rules of etiquette say that only the eldest in age can take the initiative to shake hands. The same rule applies to people who are at different levels of the career ladder: the one who is higher in rank extends his hand.
Rules of business greetings
The rules of courtesy in business follow the same principles. The first to greet is the one who is lower in rank. If a person enters a room where there is already a group of people, then the person who enters greets him first - regardless of position or age.
Who is the first to give a hand when greeting during a business communication? In reverse order, from top to bottom. We must not forget the general rule: shaking the hand of one person implies the same gesture in relation to other persons. Otherwise, you should limit yourself to polite words and a general nod of the head.
In the case when a subordinate enters the office to the boss, the latter may not interrupt his business or conversation, but according to the rules of politeness, he must greet the person who entered with words or at least a gesture. In the opposite situation, when the boss enters the subordinate, it is supposed to interrupt the conversation or business (if any, and this will not be incorrect in relation to a third person) and pay attention to the leader.
Summarizing what has been said
Etiquette is a delicate matter, but quite logical, because all the rules of good manners are subject to one thing: do not offend another person, behave in such a way that communication is mutually pleasant. If you happen to get confused in ranks and age, if you are afraid to seem impolite, offend by chance, you should remember one more rule: the one who first gives a hand when shaking hands will be more polite, who will be the first to say hello, who will be the first to show attention. If you are in doubt whether to say hello or not - say hello, whether to extend your hand or not - stretch it out. May you be knowna person who has forgotten any subtlety of etiquette, but you will show hospitality and respect.
But there is one simple scheme to help remember who is supposed to be the first to say hello and who should be the first to shake hands according to etiquette. We greet each other according to the principle "from smallest to largest" (the junior - with the elder, the subordinate - with the boss, the man - with the woman). We extend our hand according to the principle "from largest to smallest", since a handshake is a kind of privilege, an honorary sign of attention, and this gesture is supposed to be made by a more "important" person (the elder extends his hand to the younger, the boss to the subordinate, the woman to the man).
Besides a handshake, don't forget about kind words of welcome, gestures and a friendly smile - an absolute trump card in any communication!
