A mother-in-law is a second mother? Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the subtleties of the relationship

2024 Author: Henry Conors | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-02-12 02:47

Many young girls, having found the desired husband, fall into "hell". They now and then share with their girlfriends their sometimes far-fetched experience. “The mother-in-law is a natural witch, spoils everything!” or “He won’t let me live!” they say. Is it so? Is it possible to fix an important women's issue? And is it worth the effort? Let's figure it out.

Correct attitude

You know, it is important to lay the first brick of a relationship so that later the “wall” does not look askance and does not fall on your head with scandals and insults. Do you understand that the mother-in-law is the beloved mother of your adored spouse? Be that as it may, no matter what situations arise, you must always remember that she is a native person. Think about it, it was she who sat by the cradle at night, cared for and looked after this little boy, who now gives you so much happiness. The mother-in-law is exactly the woman who has invested in your beloved not only the warmth of her heart, but also strength and he alth. She nurtured and cherished him, brought him up to be your support and support. Everything you love about your husband did not come from nature. For many years, hour after hour, this woman, with her thoughts and words, shaped the character of her beloved: for you - a spouse, for her - a son. Is it possible to forget about it? Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can hardly quarrel, if you look at the issue globally, mother and wife are the most beloved and revered women for a man. Is it worth it with empty strife, often built on frivolous egoism, to tear his soul, to force him to choose? After all, you both love him, wish him happiness.

How to understand it?

Unfortunately, the above reasoning does not help to solve a simple but extremely important practical issue. No matter how much you talk about universal love, you will definitely stumble upon an indisputable fact: the mother-in-law is a woman who has both advantages and disadvantages. But even this is not the most important thing. Angels are known to live in heaven. Here, all the people are ordinary. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not differ much from each other in terms of their “level of holiness”. She just thinks and reasons differently than you are used to. Sometimes it is simply impossible to delve into the logic of her actions. They seem to be full of hate, or at least unfriendly. In this case, it is recommended to set aside emotions for a while and speculate. Imagine that the husband and mother-in-law lived for many years "in their autonomous space." No one bothered them, no one interfered. And now you have arrived! For him, it's a natural process. He chose you. And how should she react to such, albeit natural, "aggression"? After all, you "without asking"burst into her little world, violating its established order. How would you feel about this yourself?

Is the elder wiser?

Facing the first misunderstanding, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to prove "who is more important." That is, they descend to the usual rivalry for the heart and thoughts of a dear person, sometimes not thinking about the unbearable position they put him in. Well, this is likely, even more so, it often happens. It is necessary not to let things take their course, to “seize the moment”. This, whatever one may say, is the task of a younger woman. Why? Yes, if only because it was you who broke into her world. She doesn't have to open it for you. If you understand that you need to give in, “step aside” in time, reaching out is more important than proving your indispensability, then you will find a sincere friend. You do not seek to prove to yourself and others that your adored spouse was raised by a neurotic with dictatorial inclinations? How could such a witch raise such a gentle, loving, caring person? That's the whole point. The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are very strongly connected, although they do not always feel it. They are the keepers of the peace of mind of a person adored by both. Whoever understands this first is the wiser.

About jealousy

There is another problem, which is sometimes explained by the inability to improve relations in the family. This is jealousy. A woman who has invested her whole soul in her son cannot immediately give up the “right to him”. She does not want to reckon (at worst) with the fact that he has a life of his own. This does not speak of her selfishness or other moral vice. This isso natural that it is not even immediately realized by a woman. Not everyone analyzes their hidden feelings, perceived as a general background. Still need to get to the bottom of them. The help of loving people is needed here. After all, your husband’s mother is not quite the “monster”? If you gently push her in the right direction, then she herself realizes that her offspring is en titled to more will, her own space. Just imagine, the bride and mother-in-law (future) meet for the first time. What does everyone feel, what do they think? Often, the mother is the first to be assessed. “This flier will “twirl” my son ?!” she thinks. According to statistics, the first impression of the son's girlfriend is negative. Nothing to do about. This is not a bad bride, this is a mother's love for her son is great. She wants the "perfect" woman for him.

How to deal with jealousy

But this is already a matter of your upbringing, patience and tact. Do you know why this very “black” jealousy of the mother-in-law can disrupt marital relations? Because the young are not sure of themselves! If you sincerely believe in the love of your beloved, then nothing will prevent you from being happy. And when you feel discomfort, you yourself open the door to problems. Second - do not dismiss the mother-in-law. She will not "dissolve" herself. You don't need to think so. Vice versa! It is advisable to show attention and tact in your personal contacts. Seeing your sincere interest in her person, a woman will gradually change her first impression. Stroking, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will turn out to be best friends, even without expecting it. You only needtake a step forward. Yes, you may find yourself in a similar situation. And do not say that you will love any daughter-in-law! Generations change, families are created, and the problem passes "by inheritance". She has one solution - to treat each other with love and understanding.

Everything (or almost) depends on the man

It is desirable to include your own spouse in establishing relationships with the mother-in-law. Why, ask? Yes, as that “glue” that can perform a miracle and recreate a long-broken cup. Just don't ask to "talk to mom." Will not help. But to arrange a common holiday, discussion of burning issues without it will not work. Life is made up of little things. Today is tea. Tomorrow, perfume advice, then ask for the pie recipe. With such steps, well-being is built. If you also connect your beloved man, then everything will be arranged faster. You see, you need to bet on the warmth and affection that "flows" between your husband and you, him and your mother-in-law. Over time, this cloud will grow to include all aspects of the relationship.

A fairy tale for an objective look at things

Someone will say that the legend of King Solomon is not entirely appropriate. However, the meaning in it is such that it is always worth remembering and putting into practice. Remember how two women approached him, each of whom defended their rights to the child? What did he answer? He decided to physically divide it into two. Naturally, the real mother immediately relented. The plot sometimes resembles what two angry ladies do with their beloved man. Onlynone of them have the intelligence to be a "real mother." Is it worth it to go down like this? You must always remember that you are not just fighting with your mother-in-law, he is going to the field of the soul of a living person who is dear to you (as well as to her).

Expanding social circle

Well, why did we only focus on the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? After all, there are still people in the family. One person can serve as a “trigger”, that is, a catalyst for solving a problem. If the husband, wife and mother-in-law cannot find a common language, then it's time to seek help. Yes, just do not rush to run to psychologists. There are people whose soul is ready to provide a sea of medicine, more useful than official conversations and pills. This is your mom! Well, who else can understand the problem so well, if not the woman who nurtured and cherished you! The recommendation is simple: let the mother-in-law and the mother-in-law jointly perform some kind of “serious task”. That's what the experts advise. Two ladies may not get along if they just have to communicate. And when they face a common (affecting both) task - then beware. Anyone who gets across will be torn apart!

When the marriage broke up

You know, divorces are now commonplace, you won't surprise anyone. But if you managed to give birth to children, then the husband leaves, and his mother remains in your life. You will not deprive your child of a loving grandmother? Yes, and the former mother-in-law will not allow you to do this. She may hate or tolerate you, but she will adore the children. Anyone who has experienced a similar situation says that the grandmother becomes different. For the sake of her grandchildren, she is readyto forgive a lot to the former daughter-in-law, to understand and not notice. Just do not take revenge on the unfortunate woman. There are times when a divorced wife tries to blame a former relative for her failure. You can’t fix anything, but depriving your children of another loving person is easy. But why do it?

Difficult situations

Fortunately, not every woman has two mothers-in-law. And yes, they don't cause much of a problem. Either from the first “bumps stuffed” and then they are already trying to build relationships more correctly, or they have a simpler attitude to this. But there are also such options when mothers-in-law begin to quarrel among themselves, proving whose son, for example, is cooler, that is, "the best husband." What is a "rich" daughter-in-law to do? Recommendations of experts come down to the word "nothing". Let them “fight” among themselves, maybe they are bored, otherwise they not only watch TV shows, but also lead an active life! Let the women have fun. Your main task is not to get involved. This is not an ostrich tactic at all. Vice versa. It is wise behavior to let others be who they are.

So who is the mother-in-law?

If you look from the point of view of the bride's mother, then this is the daughter's husband's mother. That is, some not quite close relative. This is such an erroneous statement that it gives rise to many big and small troubles. No, everything is correct with family ties. Only the attitude is built not from the hierarchy of the family, but according to the soul. And it is on the perception of each other that the harmony of the genus depends. It is important. We talk about the little things - how she looked,what she said and so on. But in fact, we are talking about the whole family, which includes not only the young and older generation, but also children and other relatives. The knot between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, tied to the negative, can disrupt the lives of many people, in any case, greatly spoil it. It is advisable to remember this for any of the "keepers of the hearth." True, it happens that both turn out to be very wise women, fortunately for their man!

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a delicate matter, but not so much as not to understand it. If you are faced with inexplicable hatred, it is better to quarrel and find out what is in the heads of family members. Sometimes such a “stress cure” turns out to be much better than tact and perfect upbringing. Openness in these relations is more important than "civilization" based on distrust and concealment of claims. As the last argument: the happiness of children that have already appeared or will be born soon depends on your mode. Isn't their joy more important than their own "bloated" pride?