Someday all children, be they native and adopted, grow up. Then they perceive adoption with greater awareness. They begin to analyze their lives. To understand what happens to children at these moments, the history of the adaptation of a foster child in the family will help. Fortunately, a lot of them are published.
Advice from a foster daughter
One story from the life of a foster family contains instructive advice to parents. So, a girl adopted at the age of 7 said that she perfectly remembered her real parents. They were not bad parents, but they were sent to prison because of a serious offense. In this case, the child may often throw tantrums. In the real history of a family with adopted children, this is exactly what happened. The girl wrote to her father, not knowing what her adoptive mother was answering. And so it went on for many years, until her dad got out of prison. Then the baby said she wanted to live with him. And after that, she realized that she did not value foster parents in vain. Having lived with a real father who turned out to be evil anddrinking man, she returned to the foster family a couple of days later.
The moral of this story is simple - the girl was spared too much, at the age of 7 she could already understand that it was not evil people who took her father to prison. The stories of children in foster families are confirmation that it is better to speak frankly with the child, not to conceal from him, not to allow yourself this pity. Pity for those who are left by their parents is a way of manipulation, this happens quite often.
Child didn't know he was adopted
In some sad stories of foster families, the paths of a child and a mother who has adopted someone else's child diverge. This is what happened in this case as well. A girl up to 15 years old did not know that she was adopted. And then they told her, and she began to look for a real mother.
The woman who adopted her and raised her was offended. And she stopped communicating with her daughter, who was having a hard time with it. She advises adoptive parents to accept that finding true ancestors is okay. It is best to maintain family ties with adopted children forever. In this story, the girl found her real parents, but when she met them, she felt nothing. She saw two unfortunate people who made a mistake in their youth. She communicated with them through force. But her foster family remained her real parents, close people.
Adopted at 13
In the following story of adaptation in a foster family, a boy was adopted at 13 years old. It was in the countryside. By that time, he was a child spoiled in an orphanage, despite the fact that it seems to someonestrange. The orphanage had sponsors who supplied clothes, toys, appliances and sweets. And not every family would allow a child the same.
Besides, the boy had a "guest" family - she took him for the weekend, arranged adventures for him - trips, cinema, a zoo. These were the elderly. He himself would not have voluntarily left the orphanage, but they decided to disband it. In fear of the unknown, the boy agreed to meet his adoptive parents. But in the countryside, he had to work, and he knew little, and was also lazy.
He's ashamed of it now. However, his adoptive parents supported him, giving him a favorite thing - woodcarving, which has now become his business. These parents took three children. And in this story about adopted children, the once-adopted boy emphasizes that even a difficult child will be pulled out by a favorite thing. He advises adoptive parents not to consider themselves wizards, not to give children pity, money. It is best to educate him and be strict, keep his word. Don't let a foster child take advantage of their parents.
Scandals
Shocking stories of foster families periodically pop up, when children are simply removed by guardianship authorities, starting criminal cases against their parents. So, parents came to Moscow from Kaliningrad, who refused custody of 7 children after receiving a refusal to issue a Moscow allowance.
As a rule, the stories of the return of orphans in foster families follow the same scenario. While the child is small, he grows like all ordinary children. But growing up inadolescence, he begins to behave very badly. Often adopted and adopted children behave exactly like their parents, who were once imprisoned and who suffered from alcoholism. Tendencies to these habits are inherited, even if a person never knew who his ancestors were. Desperate adoptive parents try to cope with this, but, exhausted, fail and give the child back.
So it happened in the story of an orphanage in a foster family that took place in 2001. The boy was taken at the age of 9 months. And until he became a schoolboy, everything was perfect. But at school age, the boy began to misbehave and refused to study. When he turned 14, a series of conflicts broke out. And the parents, after consulting with a psychologist, told him that he was adopted. The boy took everything violently, refused to believe it and promised to prove through a DNA test that he was his own. Later, he stole money from his grandmother and spent it on fast food.
Result
As a result, the adults decided to return him to the orphanage. As the specialist argued about this story, it was a mistake at such a turbulent age to tell the child that he was adopted. He believes that the parents never accepted the boy and only attributed his problems to the bad genes of someone else. But the fact is that there are a lot of very frightening cases of this kind.
Replace deceased
The following story of a foster family is fraught with tragedy. A single mother lost her 8-year-old son in an accident. She later adopted a 3-year-old boy. Everything went well until he was 8. She took the clothes, toys of the once deceased boy and gave them to her adopted son. In addition, she hung a photo of the deceased baby around the apartment.
But, in the end, the mother admitted that the step-child was more and more reminiscent of her own, and the difference in attitude towards them frightened her. Everything in the adopted son was different - he did not look like the first baby. And she admitted that she was tempted to give him back to the orphanage.
But this foster family story has a happy ending. Turning to psychologists, the woman coped with this obsession. And again she created a family with a baby, managing to accept him with all his differences.
Companion to the disabled
A child's disability is a painful topic for parents. He can be we althy, loved, happy. But parents are always worried about what will happen to him when they die. Who will replace his loved ones?
And sometimes they decide to take a child suffering from a similar disease. This seems like a very noble act. They already have the skills to deal with such patients, and their child has a familiar face for life.
But this story of the foster family turned out differently. And at one time, she shocked the society very much. An employee of the orphanage took a boy and a girl - so that one day they would become companions for her daughter, who suffers from Down syndrome. The adopted boy and girl were somewhat older than her. At first they got along, and then the adopted children, being teenagers, fell in love with each other and did not pay attention to the girl withdown syndrome. The mother did not know what to do, a conflict arose, and she returned to the orphanage first the boy, and then the girl.
Analyzing this story of a foster family, the specialist notes that people taken from the orphanage also require care and attention. And they are not required to work off the “debt” later. This is sometimes forgotten by the people who adopt them.
Conclusion
When a disabled person is born, it is difficult for him to adapt in society. Understanding this, parents very often take someone from the orphanage. There are many stories with a successful outcome. As a result, the blood child gets a brother or sister, and the adopted one finds a family. The most important thing in this case is to perceive adopted children not as servants, but as equals. And then the outcome will most likely be favorable.
Features
The foster family exists on the basis of a written agreement. It is concluded at the request of those who want to take the child into their family. Its parties are guardianship authorities and adoptive parents. The latter are called parents-educators. Their work is paid taking into account the number of children taken. A separate fee is provided for the disabled, sick people.
Besides, pupils in such families receive money every month from the local government budget in accordance with regional prices. This is done to ensure their maintenance.
There are also all kinds of benefits for such families. The decision on their introduction is made by local governments.
According to the law, you cannot take more than eight people into a family, sinceit is believed that otherwise there will not be enough time to raise all the children. In addition, minors, incapacitated or persons with limited legal capacity cannot take children. It is forbidden to raise children for those who have been deprived by the court of parental rights or have been limited in them. You can not do this to those who have previously adopted children, but the court forbade this by its decision. There is a list of diseases with which it is also impossible to become foster parents.
Stage division
In total, adaptation in a foster family is divided into three stages. At first, any person experiences "idealized expectations" - both parties have them. They strive to please each other. A month later, this desire is destroyed on the rocks of reality. A crisis phenomenon begins - the child is used to the old environment, but not yet to the new one. The unusual system causes him to protest, then the stage of installation conflicts begins, and this is a natural moment.
Setup conflict
The next stage is "Adaptation". Conflicts at this time are becoming more frequent. And after catharsis, they happen less and less and only on significant occasions. Then the boundaries between people are built, they get used to the needs and characteristics of each other. In addition, family members become attached to each other precisely at this stage.
Sometimes there are flashes of negative emotions. And this happens for several reasons. If a child has lost a family, he is afraid to experience it again. And then he provokes his parents to break up. He is both attached and at the same time rejectsthem. He tries to keep warm feelings under control, as he understands that parents are capable of abusing power.
Also, this may be due to the loss of their birth family - children may miss them. Also, their behavior is able to express the habits acquired in the previous environment. In this way, the child can test the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
There are many reasons to behave badly. And this creates an additional burden on the adaptation of the foster family. For this reason, parents should not aim for a quick result, but pay attention to changes for the better. It is worth asking for help from social assistants without fear of showing your incompetence.
During the installation conflict, adults begin to understand children more deeply, become more self-confident. Children at the same time learn to value their parents, stop thinking about leaving, and are filled with trust in them. So there is a contact between them, warm feelings appear in the course of solving problems. This stage lasts longer than six months. And it is in it that deep feelings are established.
Final stage
The third stage is called "Balance". At this time, the family acquires independence, less and less often begins to make appeals to social assistants. Children show interest in the past, sometimes they make up stories based on the present: “We also had a car!” The reason for this lies in the fact that they feel the need to create an acceptable version of their past life. And new parents can help them by creating a "lifeline" in a special album of memories. And, as a rule, children enthusiastically perceive this idea. This kind of work gives great results, especially if all the prescriptions of specialists are followed.
